It's been way too long since I posted anything...this Craigslist ad I wrote is the most I've done in months.  Enjoy!


About a month ago my husband told me he was planning on going to an auction with a few of his buddies. I figure that's a pretty safe place for him to hang out for a Saturday, I mean how much money could he actually waste there, right? The day arrives, his friends show up and they all pile into his pickup truck and head out to the auction. Woo-hoo! A few hours to catch up on some housework (lol!) or read a book, whichever.

Several hours later finds me out in the yard watering my trees when the hubby pops out the back door and lures me in with his excited "Come see what I bought for you!" What could it be? Did he find me a beautiful, 1940s waterfall bedroom set for some amazingly low price? Maybe he bought me some cool fish tank stand so I can expand my aquatic hobby. The excitement is simply overwhelming, so I rush inside to see what he found.

Well, my hopes were dashed upon entering my kitchen to find my beaming husband standing behind a vacuum cleaner. An old, used and very chrome-y looking vacuum cleaner. Um, thanks? But I'm not a complete meany so I say "Oh, it's a vacuum cleaner. Okay, is it better than the one I already own?" And my overly proud of his purchase husband begins to extol me on the virtues of this amazing machine.

This, he informs me, is a KIRBY!!! vacuum cleaner. The very best of the best of vacuum cleaners. Why, all the women whose homes he has admired for many years use KIRBY!!! vacuum cleaners. Nothing less will do. And look at all the attachments, he says. There are some that we'll probably never even figure out what they're for, but certainly they are very important to have. AND, it has extra bags! So we don't even have to worry about buying new bags for a long time ("longer still because my wife rarely vacuums" was thankfully left out). He briefly mentions the shampoo attachment (for when the idiot cats throw-up, again!) and then, he pulls out an attachment and with a reverence usually reserved for vintage whiskey or especially beautiful revolvers, he intones "And this brush...this brush is so you can clean the blinds!"

I'm duly impressed with his sales spiel, but he's not done yet. Because, like any good vacuum cleaner salesman would do, he insists on showing me how it works. As an aside, I've been around vacuums for a very long time and am fairly well versed in how they work. Evidently hubby has forgotten this and I hate to ruin his moment in the sun so I go along with him. It should be noted that by this time, our twelve year old son has joined us to watch this new wonder do it's magic.

My husband carefully adds the attachment to the long hose and plugs the machine in. He wheels the whole thing over to the blinds on the back door, looks at me with a smile and says "Watch this!" Hitting the "on" switch, the KIRBY!!! comes to life with a "RAWR!" of power. You can feel the surge of adrenaline pulsing through it's chrome-y parts. The cats scatter to the far corners of the house and the dogs look on it with horror. It is an animal. It is power, and virility and beauty all wrapped up into one amazing machine. And then...our son says "what's that smell?"

Hubby continues to run the brush over the blinds only looking over his shoulder long enough to say "That's raw power son" before going back to obliterating the dust from the slats. I have to say that the speed with which that dust was sucked into the KIRBY!!! was a sight to behold. It never stood a chance. About four slats in, our son again says "what's that smell?" and I realize that I am starting to smell something as well. Something...burny...electrically...electrically burny...and then Hubby smells it too. He turns around and looks down at his amazing machine and says "OMG! It's on fire!" And I dumbly reply "What is?" My husband's eyes get huge and he shouts "The vacuum cleaner is on fire! OMG! It's on fire! Holy sh!!!t! Unplug it!"

I dutifully unplug the raging monster and my heroic husband picks the flaming beast up in one massive fist and carries it outside. Upon being released from the source of fuel, this cousin of the Kraken (land version) loses steam and puts itself out. The stench of it's fury permeates my house and now, my back patio as well. The neighbors may or may not now believe they live next door to a long time sailor. Our son stands transfixed on the patio, staring at his father in what I can only assume is awe at his heroic acts.

Once the emergency is over, our hero stands in defeat, looking at his beloved KIRBY!!!, still slightly smoking at his feet. Lifting his eyes to mine, he says sadly "I guess I'll have to throw it away...I'm sorry your gift sucked." It breaks my heart to see him so destroyed. He wanted to badly to bring me this wonderful machine that he knew would make me the happiest woman in the world. So I tell him that he shouldn't throw it away. It's too GOOD to throw away. I mean, it's a KIRBY!!! for goodness sakes! They don't get thrown away! I promise him I will salvage the parts and sell them to the good people of Craigslist. People who appreciate what a wonder a KIRBY!!! is, people who will want it's parts to replace the ones on their own KIRBYs!!! Not because they broke obviously (because KIRBYs!!! don't break), but because sometimes the parts on their own KIRBYs!!! can just no longer stand up to the raw power of the machine.

So, with all of that in mind, I'm offering the remains, no, the strongest parts, of my husband's loving gift to me. I'm asking $30 (obo) for everything you see in the foreground of the first picture. For you highly technical folks, that doesn't include the background items, desk, empty box, carpeting or any animals that may have slipped into the shot (well, the cats might be negotiable) Cash only and you must pick up.

And So It Begins

The annual holiday begging has started on Craigslist. It seems excessively early this year, but maybe they're paying more attention to the stores than to the calendar and figure it's time. There are always people asking for free items on Craigslist, but the numbers increase the closer we get to Christmas.

For the record, I have nothing against helping someone in need. I've given away my fair share of food, clothing, gifts and money to various charities, food pantries, churches and individuals. I'm not talking about the people who are truly in need. I'm not talking about people that find themselves in dire straights due to job loss or some such. No, I'm referring to the people who make a living off the charity of others. And those who up the ante around the holidays to prey on people trying to generous.

Exhibit 1:

Free Motorcycle Wanted! (El Mirage)
Date: 2011-10-10, 11:25AM MST

Hi, I know this sounds crazy, but I need to cut down gas costs. I currently am spending over 300 a month on gas and can't afford it anymore. I am a single mom, working full time, and going to school. I need a fully working motorcycle that will get me to work and back. I can't afford payments, obviously, and don't have money saved up to buy one. I had one previously, but due to a divorce and a near bankruptcy, my parents bought it and my dad is trying to fix it up for himself. Between the insurance and gas money on that, I believe I will be able to save around $100 a month, and that is a wonderful thing for someone who has absolutely ZERO left over every month! PLEASE HELP! I know I am asking for a miracle, but I am praying that God will provide me with it! Please e-mail me at the e-mail address provided by craigslist or text me.

Thank you and God Bless!
xxx-xxx-xxxx

Cassie


While I appreciate the logic of trying to save money on gas by getting a bike, it seems like the high price of gas is the least of your problems. I'm fairly sure that God does not in fact supply free motorcycles. Especially not ones that are "fully working". Also, nice dad you got there.

Exhibit 2:

I CANT AFFORD A CHRISTMAS TREE THIS YR PLS HELP (S PHX)
Date: 2011-11-12, 6:30PM MST

I NEED A 6 FOOT TREE PLS HELP


Ummm, maybe forgo the tree this year? Do you still have a string of lights from previous years? Because I've made a tree shape out of lights on the wall before and then taped paper ornaments inside the outline. It actually looked pretty cool and it didn't cost me anything. It should be noted that this particular lister has been putting various versions of this same ad up since mid-October.

Exhibit 3:

I need furniture beds,couches,tv etc - $20 (phx)
Date: 2011-11-13, 4:14PM MST

is anyone giving away any beds couches tvs household items. im in need of donations I do not have anything in my apartment, I do have a little cash maybe like 20 if anyone haz a heart please can u help this mom out call me xxx xxx xxxx


Okay, pulling the mom card is almost understandable, trying to guilt us by suggesting that if we don't give to you we must not "haz a heart" is less so. Asking for beds is acceptable, asking for tvs not so much. Also, Craigslist really doesn't limit the number of characters you use so you can actually spell out all of your words. And don't get me started on the lack of capitalization and random punctuation.

Exhibit 4:

Piano (PHX)
Date: 2011-11-12, 10:02AM MST

If anyone has a piano they would like to give away I would gladly take it. I can hire someone to move it, so you don't have to worry about damage to your home.


Wow, that's so nice that you'll hire someone to remove it from my home. I guess I should be grateful you didn't ask me to deliver it. But seriously, are there that many people giving away pianos these days?

I'm sure the number of ads and the feeling of desperation conveyed will increase exponentially with each week closer to Christmas we get. The week before Christmas will invariably be filled with people angrily complaining about all of the "grinches" in this town that must want the kids to suffer with no Christmas presents under the tree, blah, blah, blah. I'm not heartless, I just find it interesting how many people out there think that everyone one else should supply their houseful of furniture and holiday cheer.

Craigslist Ad

I put our old kitchen table up on Craigslist today. We've had it since we got married twelve years ago. We paid about $600 for it at the time. It originally had six chairs but one of them got destroyed by being used as a ladder for painting. Anyway, within a few hours I got an email and now the new owner is loading his truck with the help of Mister C. He complimented me on the ad and told me it was better than most real estate agents ads for houses. Which, considering that I'm an aspiring agent, I thought was pretty funny. Turns out he's an agent as well. As a side note, I got $75 for the set. Which means it ended up costing us about $3.65 a month to own. Which I think is a really good deal.

Here's the ad:

Start making family memories. Just think of all the good times you'll have to remember as you gather around this table. It's great for every meal from the simplest breakfast to the most important holidays with your family. Want to change the look? Throw a table cloth (not included) on it and watch it morph before your eyes. Not only is it good for eating at, it's fantastic for a myriad of other things. Does your family like to do puzzles? The table is totally flat on top, perfect for puzzles. Like playing games together? This set has four sides so everyone gets their own side, no peeking at cards with this beauty! Great for play-doh extravaganzas and model building as well. Lego building sets are no problem on the surface of this four legged wonder. Are you the kind of guy or gal that likes to write letters? You can do it with this! There's even a drawer on the end to keep your writing implements in. There is just no end to the wonderful & creative things you can do with this set. The best part about this set is that there are five (not four!) chairs included in it. Just think of all the extra fun to be had with a fifth chair. Neighbor kid comes over and you need an extra seat? There it is! Someone acting up and need a little time to themselves? Instant time-out chair. Act now before someone else recognizes the immense potential and value of this set.

Light oak kitchen table with five chairs. The table is 54" long and 42" wide. It also comes with an 18" leaf. Not to be too obvious or anything, but that means the table can extend out to 6' long. There is a small drawer at each end of the table. The set is in decent condition, not perfect. It is used.

$100 o.b.o.

Cash only. Pick up only.

Thank you!

Amongst the idiots, good people dwell

Well, after much irritation and many false starts, I finally sold Master J's bunk beds last night. I've had them out on Craigslist since Sunday night after we got back from Thanksgiving in La-La Land. I've had at least five people that e-mailed saying they wanted them and asking for my address. After giving my address and phone number, not one of them showed up. I can't tell you how many people e-mailed to ask if I still had them and when I said "yes", they disappeared back into the underbelly of Craigslist. Damned poll takers! What is the point of asking if I have something if you're not interested in buying it? That makes no sense to me. Anyway, I got a really nice e-mail from a lady saying it was exactly what she was looking for and asking if I would be willing to wait until Friday night for her and her husband to pick it up. Having no other viable offers, I of course said I would. She had given her phone number in her email so I called and left a message with her and gave her my number. She actually called back (that was unexpected!) and sounded very excited. About two hours later, she called back again to ask if she could come last night instead. I of course said yes again. Then she called a third time to tell me that they were on the way. They drove an hour and a half to get to my house. They never tried to talk me down on price and they were so excited about the beds and the bedding I was selling with it that I almost felt guilty for selling it to them. They were the kind of people you want to live next door to because they were funny, sweet and easy to talk to. I had a bunch of other stuff that I had planned to take to Goodwill but after I spoke to her the third time I went out and sorted it out. I set aside the clothes I thought would fit her boys and offered them to them when they arrived. I also offered her all my kid sized hangers and some other random things that Master J had outgrown. She took what would work for them and said how amazing it was that everything that they needed, we had. I say some people restore your faith in humanity and sometimes we're blessed enough to come in contact with them as a reminder.

So I put an ad on Craigslist...

This morning I put an ad on Craigslist to get rid of some of my old bras. The bras were gone in about 20 minutes, but the emails keep coming. The original ad is below, with the update below that. Guess I'm glad I made a few people's day a little brighter.



Women only please - (168th & Q)
Reply to: sale-868395648@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-06, 10:31AM CDT


Looking to give away some of my "outgrown" bras. Unfortunately the girls changed size when I got pregnant and again when I gained 10 pounds a few years ago. So, I have 10 bras in size 36C and 7 that are size 38C. I would love to give these to someone who could use them. There are different styles and colors and all are clean. You will need to pick them up. Regarding the title of this ad, I have no issue if you're a man that wants to wear women's clothing. I just don't want to picture my bras on some burly biker guy covered in tattoos. So if you are a man that would really like my lacy, sexy bras, please for the love of all that is good, send your sister or your mom to pick these up. Thank you!




UPDATE!

Wow! Thanks to all the women who identified themselves as such. I'm glad I could make a few people laugh today. As for Tom T - dude, I am so NOT modeling them If they still fit enough to model I wouldn't be getting rid of them.