Why I don't have a Twitter account

I've thought recently about starting up a Twitter account but decided it probably isn't for me. Mostly I just want to be able to read the tweets of some people out there who regularly tweet something amusing and as far as I can tell I can't follow their feed without my own account. I suspect if I had an account it would be filled with the following:

First cup of coffee of the day, thank god for caffeine.

Hubby removed the ads from my newspaper, now I can't read it at all. Fairly convinced the stories have all been compromised.

More coffee.

Dog just threw up rocks on the carpet. Again.

Third cup of coffee, finally starting to feel human.

If a terrorist ever tries disguising themselves as a suburban mom with a stroller, our dogs have us covered. Shut up already you idiots!

Where are my shoes?

Dropping the child off at school shouldn't be a contact sport. Just sayin'.

Blech! Mouthful of cold coffee!

No seriously, where are my shoes?

Deli ladies know me by name but still can't remember that I never want a sample. Thanks but I'm pretending that I eat nothing but health food while out in public.

Favorite part of the day, hanging out on the patio with my coffee. Ahhhhh! Blissful peace!

Huh, it's 4:00 and I forgot to thaw something for dinner. Again.

Who left the coffee pot with a tablespoon of coffee and some grounds in it? The hell?

Child is in bed and hubby is sleeping in his chair. Must be 8:00 pm.

9:00 pm. Time for one more cup of coffee and then setting up the coffee-maker to run first thing in the morning.

It's 2:30 in the morning and I've determined that I need to quit drinking so much coffee all day.