September already?

So yeah, I've been out of touch with my blog for several weeks now. It's not that I didn't want to update, and really it's not that I haven't had time, it's just I haven't been motivated to do anything with it. I'm sorry. That's just pathetic. I know. So, I'm regrouping. I'm starting over. In more ways than one.

So real estate kind of sucks right now. I haven't been happy in it for awhile now and I think I've finally hit my personal wall as far as how much more I'm willing to do. I'll be honest, I'm not the best agent around. I don't advertise. I don't try to find and follow leads every day (or any day truthfully). I don't call on past clients to see if they have any "real estate needs" or if their friends and family do. And I don't push buyers into buying a house just so I can close a deal. In the past two weeks, I went from having one offer in escrow, one client writing offers and one that was coming in to town ready to really buy this time (I swear), to no offers in escrow, one buyer that wants me to write offers at eighty three percent of list price (seriously? WTH?) and my out of town buyers back out of town without offering on anything. So I think I'm done.

I've had it with some other agents having an attitude of arrogance. I called a listing agent about a house two days ago because I was out showing to a client and could not find the property. Literally, his directions led me to a house that was not for sale. So I called. He said (and I am quoting verbatim here) "I don't know what mls you're using because the directions are fine. Plenty of other agents have been able to find the property." Really? Okay, that's pretty shitty but maybe I am being dumb. So, seeing a guy a few doors down walking out to his truck, I pulled up and asked him if he knew where the house was. Turns out I was in the wrong neighborhood, because the agent's directions were wrong. So I followed the neighbor's directions to the correct neighborhood and showed the house. Then I called the agent back and left him a message. In it I said that the directions were in fact wrong and gave him the correct directions. It was polite. I never heard a word from him, but he did change the mls listing. Idiot.

I've had it with investors who want to make HUGE profits on houses that they've done a minimal amount to. They buy it at auction, slap some paint, granite and new carpet in and list it at twice what they paid. And then try to put a clause in the contract that says the purchase price has to be paid regardless of what the house appraises for. Um, no. I am not going to have my client sign a contract that could potentially screw them out of tens of thousands of dollars. But it gets better, because I'm pretty sure at this point that because I advised my client not to sign that potentially expensive contract, she isn't returning my calls or emails. I think she's upset that she didn't get the house and I'm to blame for trying to protect her interests. Guess I should have allowed her to go ahead and sign away her rights so I could get my commission. See, I told you I'm not a good agent.

Moving on.

I started another photography class last week. This one is a black and white film and digital class. I'm really more interested in the film part but I'll do what's required from the digital side as well. Last night we made pin-hole cameras, took a picture of a vacuum cleaner and developed it. Dude, it was awesome! I can't begin to tell you the feeling of dropping what looks to be a blank sheet of paper into a vat of chemicals and watching something develop. It was magical. This is what photography is about, it's incredible. So our assignment before next week is to take a bunch of pictures with our pin-hole cameras so we can develop them in the lab after Labor Day. The one drawback to this type of camera is that it takes time to get the picture so I'm fairly sure I won't be able to get any photos of my dogs or anything animated. Hmm, I could probably get any of the cats though. Anyway, I'll give a better description of the camera itself and show the results next week. I'm so excited about this!

I think I'll end on that happy note. Glad to be back, thanks to you that checked in regularly to see if I had anything new, I appreciate your loyalty. All three of you ;)

Post #500

And I'm suffering from writer's block. Can you believe that crap? I, who almost never run out of things to say, am at a loss for words. I thought this milestone would be more momentous, have more oomph. Or something. Instead, I will thrill you with an update post.

1. Real estate is picking up, but not in a good way. There are multiple offers on every house my clients want. Good houses go under contract almost before they're on the market for twenty-four hours. Buyers are still working with how the market used to be (about two months ago) and thinking they can low-ball offers and get their dream home. They might be right on properties that need work but the ones that are move in ready are going for well over asking price. Sigh.

2. I finally, just five minutes ago, finished painting my kitchen ceiling. As soon as I post this and grab a bite to eat, I'll be starting on the family room walls. Painting, the bane of my existence.

3. My child got accepted into the "gifted academy" in our local district. He would have to change schools in order to attend. Even though we weren't looking forward to him changing schools, we were very excited about him getting accepted. Until his new teacher sent out her welcome letter. When I saw what her curriculum for the school year was going to be, it seemed a little familiar. So I asked Master J. Yeah, he learned all of the things she mentioned (specifically the math) last year in his normal fourth grade. I'm going to speak with his current school about what their curriculum is for this coming year and if it's what I think it is, he'll be staying where he's at.

4. Remember the HOA issuing the "you have to wait 30 days for us to approve the thing we can't disapprove" letter? So that letter arrived on a Saturday. Mister C contacted our solar guy on Sunday and asked him to hold off on finishing up the project until we had approval. On Monday we got a another letter from the HOA saying "Go ahead with your project that we can't disapprove, we give you permission." Can't tell you how thrilled Mister C was to have to call back the solar guys and be told that they can't come back for a week because they started another project. If it weren't for causing unnecessary setbacks and delays our HOA wouldn't have anything to do.

5. Picked up my Bountiful Baskets again this morning and it seemed a little short. It's supposed to consist of six different fruits and six different vegetables each week. This week's basket contained:

1 5 lb bag of potatoes
1 head of cabbage
1 butternut squash
1 head of romaine
2 bags of green beans
2 tomatoes

4 bananas
1 bunch of grapes
6 peaches
4 plums
1 cantaloupe

So unless I'm counting wrong, that's six vegetables and five fruits. Unless they're questionable about the tomatoes and are counting one of them as a vegetable and the other as a fruit. Then I'm good. It's still at good deal to get all of that for $16.50, especially since it's all fresh and most of it's local.

Like we need more negative press...

Evidently the Associated Press printed an article wherein they stated that "70% of the homes in Phoenix are at risk of foreclosure." I'm sure there were lots of exclamation points to be had. They attributed this "fact" to ARMLS (the Arizona Regional Multiple Listing Service). Unfortunately for the original writers of this apparently now viral piece, this "fact" is totally untrue.

The writers pulled this information from a publication that ARMLS publishes monthly. The original statistic was that distressed properties accounted for 70.2% of sales, in January only.

So...

Of the 6,541 sales in January, 70.2% (or 4,591) of them were "distressed", which is to say either closed short sales or lender owned properties. While that's a huge number, it's certainly not the much more headline stealing "70% OF PHOENIX HOMES AT RISK OF FORECLOSURE!!!!!!" bullshit that the AP put out.

I don't have an exact count of how many houses there are in Phoenix since the Bureau of Census hasn't yet released Arizona numbers to give me at least an updated idea of population, but I'm fairly certain that with a last known population of over 4.5 million, there have to be at least a million homes. Based on that, if we take the 70% attributed by the AP, we're looking at about 700,000 homes at risk of foreclosure. Seriously? If they had taken the time to do that simple bit of guestimate math themselves, maybe they would have realized how totally out of whack the number was. Maybe.

I can't decide if the writers intentionally misinterpreted the numbers to sell more news or if they're really so stupid they can't read a statistic properly. Unfortunately I am inclined to think it's the latter.

I won't sugarcoat it and say it's all fantastic and things are back to normal around here because they aren't. There are still a large number of pending foreclosures out there (40,461 to be exact). But that's down from last month's number of 41,485. And it's dropped a full 20% from the high of 50,568 in November of 2009. It's been steadily declining for fourteen months. It is getting better, it's just taking a lot more time than we thought it would. And it isn't being helped by the number of people doing "strategic defaults" wherein they decide to walk away not because they have but because they want to. And that's a whole different post for another day.

Realtors Suck!

Yes, I'm a Realtor. Yes, I still stand by my statement. Here's the deal...

Yesterday at 11:28 a.m., I submitted a purchase offer to a listing agent for a client. I triple checked to make sure I included everything that they asked for. It was all there. I scanned the offer in and emailed it instead of faxing because more times than not, the fax "never showed up". So I'm trying to keep it simple. I sent a text to the agent to let him know that I had sent the offer and asking him to please let me know that he got it.

I got nothing.

I called the agent's primary phone (the one in the listing, so it should be current) and left a message again asking him to let me know that he had received the offer.

I got nothing.

Because I had an expiration in the contract of 5:00 p.m. today, I knew I needed to make sure that he got it and could submit it to the seller as quickly as possible. I called him again last night around 6:00 p.m. reiterating that I am just trying to make sure he got the offer.

I got nothing.

I called his phone this morning at 9:00 a.m. and left a message for him to please call me. I then called the direct line to his office and, after getting voice mail there as well (WTF?) I left a message. In the message I said basically "I can't get a hold of the listing agent and I'm trying to make sure he got the offer".

I got nothing.

I sent another email to the agent at 11:30 a.m. today letting him know that I had submitted an offer 24 hours prior. I asked if there was anything else that he needed from me.

I got nothing.

I tried calling again around 3:30 p.m. today and it went straight to voicemail.

I texted him at 5:00 p.m. tonight with a simple message "You're a hard man to get a hold of".

I got nothing.

I called and left messages on both his cell phone and the main office phone (again, no answer at the main number?) at 5:30 p.m. letting them know that while the offer had expired, the buyers were still interested.

I got nothing.

I have solid buyers with good work histories and financing already in place that want to buy a listing that has been sitting on the market for over three months. What the *fuck is wrong with agents that they can't even be bothered to respond to an offer to purchase one of their listings? I am so **pissed right now. I cannot believe that these agents are still in business if this is how they run things. I am more floored that this ***d-bag has been in business for eight years. I do not have the patience to deal with this type of ****douchebaggery and *****ass-hattedness. It's no wonder people hate real estate agents, they're idiots.

Edited 8/13/10: Apparently the strong language in my last paragraph has offended my mother. Now, if you in fact know my mother, I will wait for you to stop laughing...

Done yet? Good. Below, please see the politically correct terminology.

*darn blasted tarnation
**slightly miffed
***wonderful man who is obviously just having a hard day
****non-thinking behavior
*****Self-centeredness

While I would never give up my right to free speech, I will acquiesce to my mother's delicate sensibilities.

Update on yesterday's post...

I got a call from the listing agent that wrote yesterday's poorly worded addendum this morning. I saw her name pop up on my caller id and greeted her by name. The first words out of her mouth were "So I guess I don't understand what the problem is with the addendum." Really?

So I explained it to her.

She kept asking me "Well, what should it say instead?" and I kept telling her "It should either say that the seller is paying for their share of the taxes and all commissions or is should specify what the buyer is expected to pay." It seems so simple to me but evidently it was confusing. I think I actually heard the light bulb go on for her because after about the third time through, she paused and then said "Ooohhhh, you think the bank will actually try and make the buyer pay for commissions because the addendum says they will pay for all closing costs." Yeah, that's what I mean. Because it's a contract. A legally binding contract. And you can bet that if the bank can save a penny by putting it on the back of someone else, they will.

Once she understood, she got me a correct addendum within an hour. I got it signed by my guy within an hour of getting it and had it sent back to her immediately. Now we just wait for the title company to put everything together for the closing and hope there will be a clean title at the end of it all.

I really hope I'm misunderstanding this...

So I have a client I've been working with for about a month. We found a great house but it's a short sale, and I really hate short sales. But it's a great house and a good deal and according to the listing agent it only involves one bank. Which normally would be great. But the one bank in this situation is Tank of Tabearica, and we all know what that means: big, fat pain in the arse and probably won't work out. But my client really likes the house so we put in a cash offer at ninety percent of the asking price. Well, the owners immediately accept the offer, as they almost always do, with only two minor changes regarding the title company and the earnest money. Then the whole signed thing gets sent to the negotiator for the bank.

Three weeks later we get a response, the bank has countered for almost asking price. Which we kind of knew they would do. We countered back, coming up almost to their counter price, but no deal. They won't budge. Now, my client is a good guy and he says "well we tried, go ahead and accept their counter because I still want the house". Good so far.

I email the listing agent to let her know we'll take it and to request from her the written counter offer so I can get signatures from the buyer. That was Monday morning. Last night, around 10:20, approximately thirty seven hours later, I got an email from the listing agent with the counter offer attached. But it was the wrong counter offer, it was the one originally sent to us from the owners at the beginning of the process. So I email her back immediately to let her know that what she sent is not what we need to sign and point out that the new price should be part of the addendum.

Twenty one hours later, I finally get a response to my email. The only thing the email says is "hope this will work" and there's an attachment. I check the attachment and now she's re-worded the terms of the original counter offer and added the new price. So far, so good. But underneath that is a line that says "Buyer to pay all closing costs except for seller's share of prorated property taxes as provided by title." Seriously? Do they really expect the buyer to pay all of the seller's closing costs? Including both sides of the commission? Because that's how it reads and I guarantee that if my buyer signs it, they'll hold him to it.

Needless to say, my response back was "No, actually this won't work. Do the sellers/bank really expect the buyer to pay commissions? Please clarify." Because if they are...seriously, what the hell?

Faux Foreclosure

First let me just say that I don't have anything against faux finishing. My favorite Aunt Ninny does beautiful faux finishes and I had the pleasure of having her do most of one of my houses. It came out gorgeous and even Mister C (aka "Mr Everything Should Be White") really liked it. Having said that, there are a lot of people who should really consider putting down the paint and backing away from the walls. Because something that looks good when done well and in moderation, will make future buyers stop in their tracks with jaws agape when it's done on every surface and not necessarily all that well.

As a case in point, we have the following home that I showed to some prospective buyers. Now, the house had other issues aside from the paint that made it less than desirable to my clients.

First of all, the house almost backs to a major intersection. Standing in the backyard we couldn't even talk because we couldn't hear each other over the traffic. It was not a big yard to begin with and I'm not sure you could get enough trees into it to muffle the sound of the cars and trucks going by all day and night long. Hence, the backyard is largely unusable.

Secondly, and also why we couldn't talk in the backyard, were the F-16s from the (very) close by Luke Air Force Base flying over every few minutes. The house is in the flight path of the base. Personally, I love the "sound of freedom" and I'm always happy to hear and see them flying over my own home which is also in the flight path of the base. But this house was REALLY close and the jets are REALLY low when they go over it. How low? Well, let's just say if the pilots flew shirtless I could probably tell you if they had tattoos. That low.

Thirdly, it would have needed work even without considering the paint. The house had no counter tops in the kitchen and the cabinets were sub-par at best. The master bath had been "re-done" but apparently when the owners realized they were losing the house they decided to "undo" most of it. They had pulled out the fancy shower head and managed to completely obliterate the tile when doing so. There was no toilet. As a side note, I do see a lot of missing toilets. People must really love their toilets.

So anyway, on top of all of the previously mentioned drawbacks, and the unreasonable price the bank was hoping for, we have the following faux finishing going on.

This is the master bedroom. I don't find this particularly offensive. I think they did a fairly decent job and I do like the crown molding they've added. But if you look out the door, you can see a different type of finish in a different color. Add in the two different types of flooring and it starts to get a bit overwhelming on the eyes.



This is the doorway to the hallway where the bedrooms are. The wall finish is poorly executed and the color choice is a bit...off. I have no idea what the thing above the doorway is supposed to be. I really don't. Maybe someone out there has a clue, but it's not me.



Here we see where the original homeowner has painted the door to look like wood. Sort of. It's not a horrible job, just a bit too obviously painted. That and the fact that this was one of only two doors in the house where they had done this makes it stick out like a sore thumb. This is a better look at the amateur technique employed by the painter. The door finish does not help the paint look any better.



And this is the island. It's not painted in a faux finish, but it is covered in faux stones and I think that qualifies for our purposes. Again, not horrible, just overwhelming when taken in with all the other surfaces.



On the plus side, the floor tile is nicely chosen and well installed, the neighborhood seems pretty stable and the small yard will be easy to keep landscaped. And if you time it right you might be able to get that yard work done in between the F-16s flying overhead with their half-naked pilots.

Updates in real estate

I don't think I've mentioned too much on here what's been going on with my real estate clients, so here goes...

Texas and her husband have an accepted offer with the owner of a house in a short sale situation. They have been waiting patiently for five weeks now to hear a response from the bank. The funny thing is that the bank had already previously accepted an offer that would have netted them slightly less than our offer. We honestly thought it would be a no brainer and a quick approval. Three weeks before we put in the offer, they were going to make X and they accepted it. The buyer walked. We come along and put in an offer where they will make X plus Y and they have to think about it. I can't imagine why people think so ill of banks...

Another client of mine, an investor, has an accepted cash offer on a little place. When I originally wrote the contract five weeks ago, I put in a closing date of today. Cash deals usually close in two-three weeks but I threw that far out date in the contract "just in case". I figure it's better to close earlier than your projected date than to assume it will go well and have my client hit with a "per diem" for delaying the closing. Thank goodness I did because the people running her IRA/trust have to be some of the biggest buffoons I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with. Seriously. All they had to do was sign the paperwork that my client and the seller agreed to and sent them three weeks ago and they've managed to drag it out until the last possible second. The funding came in yesterday. As of last night they still hadn't managed to get the signed paperwork to the title company.

The investors from Colorado came into town last week and we went out viewing homes on two of the days they were in town. We found three possibilities and put in an offer on one of them. Hopefully we'll hear something good on that one today. The listing agent was in Australia and had another agent dealing with her business while she was gone. A really low ball offer had come in just prior to ours (within hours) and the other agent immediately had the sellers sign off on it and submitted it to the bank. The listing agent landed on Monday at noon, the exact deadline that we had given the sellers to respond to the offer. She saw what had been submitted and knew that the bank would reject it outright so she called me and asked if we would be willing to wait until today to get a response. So we're waiting.

Another set of clients I'm working with whom I refer to as "The Two Robs" is still waiting for Rob-1 to get his money. When we first met, he was in the process of selling his business to one of his employees. It's taken forever to get it done but it looks like (fingers crossed) it might be wrapping up tomorrow. If that's the case then we can put in an offer on a property that we found a month ago that had gone under contract but that just came back on the market yesterday. Fingers crossed people, fingers crossed!

I have another client coming in from Detroit next week to view some homes. So far he hasn't even decided that he wants to live in Arizona but I think once he gets out here that he might actually like it. I mean the man is coming from Detroit, what's not to love about Arizona? We'll see.

As for our own real estate well, we're getting hit as much as the next guy. When we bought our home in late October of 2008, we thought we were getting a great deal. We were paying $85,000 less than our next door neighbor did when he bought the exact same floor plan a year earlier. The only difference between our homes was that his house had the fireplace and ours didn't. But for $85,000 less, I think I can live without a fireplace that I can't use anyway because our city has "no-burn" days for most of what little winter we have. All in all, we got a great deal, right? Not so fast Sparky, the decline continues. Now our neighbor that's in the closest cul-de-sac is trying to sell the exact same floor plan in a short sale. There are several things that her house has that trumps ours.

1. It's in a cul-de-sac.
2. Because of #1, she automatically has a larger lot than us. About 40% larger.
3. She has the fireplace.
4. She has a pool.

Worst of all, she's asking $75,000 less than we paid eighteen months ago. Aghhh!

Short Sale Screw Job

Mister C and I put in an offer on a short sale almost seven weeks ago. We offered the full asking price with no contingencies. The owner of course, immediately accepted our offer. We've been patiently waiting for the bank to sign off on it.

On Tuesday, I got a phone call from the listing agent saying that the bank was going to approve our offer as written. Yay! Except for one small thing. The bank was refusing to pay the buyer's side commission to me. According to the listing agent, the bank never pays when the buyer's agent is the principle. And he knew this when the offer came in but chose not to tell me. But what the hell? What gives the bank the right to deny the commission to me? And to my broker?

I could (almost) understand if this was a foreclosure because then the bank would have the right to have whatever sort of commission they want to establish. But it's not. This is a short sale. The bank doesn't own the home. The bank doesn't have an agreement with anyone. I signed a contract with the owner of the property and their listing agreement states that they will be paying a buyer's side commission. It shouldn't matter that I'm representing my husband and I instead of paying another agent to do so. The bank does not have the right to deny me my commission just because their client is not honoring their original contract. Why should I get punished for the bank and the current owner's greediness?

That's right, greediness. The current owner on this house pulled one hundred thousand dollars in equity out of the property at the high point of the market. I have no idea what they did with the money but I can almost guarantee that they didn't put a dime into the property they refinanced. As the market was falling, they went out and bought a bank owned property in a prestigious neighborhood. Then they put renters into their original home. At some point early this year, they quit making the payment on the property. I don't know if their renter left and they couldn't make the payment anymore, or if they just got tired of being landlords. It doesn't really matter. The point being that they quit making the payment sometime this year. They decided it was better for them to no longer honor their contract with the bank.

At the time of the refinance, the bank more than willingly loaned the extra money on the home. I'm sure they got paid some nice fees to do the job so they did it. Earlier this year however, it probably occurred to them that it wasn't such a good idea when the homeowner quit making their payments. Now they were about to be stuck with a deficit between what they were owed and what the market value of the house was.

So here come Mister C and I, looking for a nice property in our own neighborhood that we can use as a rental. It's a great neighborhood (if I do say so myself), the elementary school is walking distance and the newest high school is just around the corner. A perfect scenario for us. We do some math and realize that although the repairs are going to be around ten thousand dollars, my commission check will be able to cover at least some of that. So we put in an offer. And because we know we're not trying to "flip" it for the most profit possible and because we're not trying to screw anyone over, we put in an offer at full price. We don't ask the seller, or the bank for that matter, to pay our closing costs or for any repairs. Full price offer. No concessions. Why? Because we want to do what's fair. We don't want to low-ball the price and try to steal the house from the bank. Silly, silly us.

Guess we'll try on a different property at a later date. And this time I'll use another agent to write the contract.

What were they thinking?

Real estate agents do some dumb things when they list a house for sale. Setting aside the insane amount of typos, misspellings and misused words, we are still left with a huge number of crappy pictures. Blurry pictures, crooked pictures and over or under exposed shots are not the exception. I often wonder why they can't take a few minutes to clear off a counter top or island to get a better shot. Or why they don't turn off the television or wait for someone to step out of a room before they shoot.

I guess this agent wanted us to know that everyone had been cleaned up...
(Please excuse the size of the photos, I couldn't figure out how to make them bigger without distorting them).

Pretending to dust the ceiling fan...



Sort of cleaning the oven...



Cleaning the toilet (was this necessary?)...



Standing with the vacuum cleaner (all the vacuuming in the world won't change that ugly carpet)...



The pool gets cleaned too!



And yes, these pictures are what a buyer sees when they look at this listing. Amazing (shaking head in wonder).

How Not to Sell Your House

Leave minor maintenance jobs until they become major ones. This rotted fascia board is caused by a roof leak on the patio overhang. It would have taken about fifteen minutes to fix what was probably a missing shingle or two. Now it's a roof repair and fascia replacement.




Be sure and leave unusable items (aka "junk") laying about. Buyers always have too much stuff to store at their old place, why else would they move? Now they know exactly where they can store their old tires and scrap metal in their new home.



Cause permanent damage to your home in order to make it "fit" your needs.



Don't bother with litter boxes or with house training your pets. Besides, that overpowering smell won't be so noticeable so long as the temperatures stay down. What's that? Oh, we live in Arizona and summer is coming? Huh, I guess we never noticed because we always had the a/c on but now that the power is off...



When you do take on a home improvement project, always make sure you do it half-assed. Why bother taking down the blinds to paint? Is it really worth the effort when nobody will probably notice anyway?



Never, ever clean. People won't think twice about the fact that they can see a perfect outline of filth around the areas where your dog kennels were kept.



This could be a really cute home and it's in a great neighborhood with excellent schools within walking distance. It's also a short sale, which means the owner won't put another penny into it and the bank won't either because they don't own it (yet). Someone will buy it, but it will most likely be an investor who will pay bottom dollar and then flip it. I can't judge what's happening in someones life to make them want to live like this but I can tell you that some people are just not responsible enough to be homeowners. Come to think of it, I probably wouldn't want them as tenants either.

Finally!

Got the email at 2:40 today to let me know that the sale was complete and had been recorded. After three and half months of back and forth, issue after issue, the trailer of doom finally closed. Awesome. Just, awesome.

Tales of a Trailer

Remember the trailer? The one that's been in escrow since December 8th? Remember how we needed to get a mold test because underwriting just had to have "one more thing"?

Well, there was mold found. Of course there was. What else should I expect? So, yeah, mold. In a desert climate. Great. Of course, I talked with the listing agent to let her know what was happening. The seller called in a mold guy who "filtered the air" to capture all the mold spores. And then they retested the air. Thankfully the second time they tested it came back clean. So we're home free right? Not so much.

I had an appointment on Friday to take my Texas gal looking at houses. I haven't introduced her but she has the same name as me and we just have a blast together. I mean seriously, anyone that can laugh when we come across not one, but two different guys getting arrested on the same day while house hunting? Yeah, awesome. So anyway, Texas and I were set to go look at houses on Friday. About five minutes after I arrive to pick her up I got a call from the lender on the trailer.

I don't like calls from the lender on the trailer because I have yet to hear the words "we're clear to close!" It's always "one more thing". And sure as sh*t, he was calling because he wanted to send the appraiser back out to the house to get a picture of some tag that was in the trailer. It's Friday. The appraiser can't get out there until Monday or possibly Tuesday and it always takes her 24 hours to get anything back to the lender. And she charges $200 for each additional visit. So I offer to stop by the property, take the picture and send it to him via email when I get back to my laptop.

I hang up the phone and look over at Texas. She's grinning away, asking if the call was about "the moldy trailer". I tell her what I need to do and ask if she would mind if I just stopped in between houses long enough for me to pop in and take two photos. Of course she's game (told ya she's fun!)

Now, as we're driving over, my first thought is to just leave her in the car while I run in to get the photos. Of course, when we arrive she doesn't want to sit in the car, she wants to see what this place looks like. Figuring there's no harm to be had, I tell her to come on in. As I go past the chain link fence, I notice that one of the key boxes has been decimated. That's not unusual, people tear these things up or steal them regularly. I use the other box to get the key and open the door.

The first thing that hits me is the smell, it smells really strongly, but not like it did the last time I was there. Previously, it has smelled like a place that's been closed up for awhile. Kind of musty (the mold maybe?) but not horrible. Now, it smells more...strongly? Foul? Something. But I'm just here for photos, so I head to the kitchen and unpack my camera.

Texas is standing in front of me while I'm taking the picture and we're joking around. Then she says "Nice, they left a banana peel on the counter." I look over my shoulder and what I see isn't a peel, but two bananas. Huh, that's odd. So I say something about the mold guy leaving his lunch on the counter. I squat back down to get a close up picture of the sticker so the lender can clearly see the numbers he needs.

Texas wanders off to the bedroom and calls out "Wow, they left their cloths and everything!"

I freeze. I lean to my left to get eye contact with her and ask "What did you say?"

She replies "They left their clothes in the closet and towels on the floor and everything. It's like they left in a hurry."

And that's when it hits me. The last time I was in this house, there was nothing in it. Nothing.

I call my client closer and say "Texas, you need to go get in the car right now."

She gets big eyed and says "Right now?"

"Yeah. Right. Now."

She turns on her heel and heads out. I stuff my camera in it's bag, grab everything and follow her. I lock the door behind myself and get into my car. As I'm closing my door, I look up at the window that's directly in front of my car. And that's when I see a man backing away from the window. Yeah. There's a squatter living in the trailer. And he's here right now. Fan-effing-tastic.

As we back out, I'm dialing the listing agent to let her know. She's thrilled that there's yet one more thing going wrong with the trailer and will be sending out someone immediately to change the locks and throw the guy out. After I hang up, I start to apologize to Texas about putting her in danger. She just laughs and says I'm more fun to hang with than most agents.

I'm starting to suspect I'm not supposed to be in this business for the purpose of selling homes. I think I'm just collecting stories for my future book.

Vintage Style

I dragged Mamoo through four properties today. The first one was pretty bad. The second one was better but the location sucked. The third one was really nice, but unfortunately was pending. But oh, the fourth one. The fourth one was wonderful. A pristine, 1968 vintage home that's sitting on a golf course lot. It starts at the front door...

Solid wood, blue side panels and a mail slot.



Original light in the foyer



The view of the golf course out the living room windows, not a great shot I know



The family room with bay window and built in bookshelves. There's a fireplace in a full stone wall behind me.



The pink counter tops in the kitchen. Note the original curtains in the window.



More pink counter top.



From the other end. The counter was at least fifteen feet long.



The base station of the whole house intercom system. I didn't try it out, but I wanted to!



The view of the looooong counter when standing by the patio doors in the living room.



The master bathroom is blue.



The vanity in the jack-and-jill bath is a really pretty light green.



The tub surround in the jack-and-jill bath is the same light green.



The doorknobs throughout the house.



The floor to ceiling, whole wall of cabinets in the laundry room.



All this vintage glory, almost 2800 square feet, sitting on a third of an acre golf course lot can be had for $425,000. Currently, this home looks like it was built yesterday. I didn't see a single cracked tile or discolored anything. The wood paneling is gorgeous and looks like they buffed it regularly. My only hope is that this home gets purchased by someone who really appreciates the vintage style and would love to keep it's beautiful look. It would make me very sad to see this house purchased by someone who wants to "neutralize" the vintage in order to resell it to the masses. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Calgon, Take Me Away!

Remember those old Calgon commercials? Where the woman of the house was being surrounded by screaming kids, ringing doorbells, barking dogs and other chaos? She would look pleadingly up at the sky and utter the phrase contained in the title of this post. The next scene would show her sinking into a large tub filled with bubbles, but more importantly, she's alone. Remember that? I wish I could do that.

My day started with phone call from a client. This client had an accepted offer on a bank owned property that I worked my backside off to get. More so because the property wasn't actually listed yet. The listing agent was going to list it for $245,000. After several times back and forth, we had an accepted offer of $190,000. And that phone call this morning? Was to tell me that after all of the negotiations and the bank coming down substantially from what they believed it was worth, my clients decided not to go through with the deal. Seriously?

I had a dental appointment not long after that phone call. I truly dislike the dentist. I mean, I like my dentist as a person, and everyone of his office staff is fantastic. But I truly dislike dentists in general. I have sensitive teeth and inevitably something hurts. They are really good about not using that supersonic crazy cleaner that really drives me insane, but I never leave without flinching. Today was no exception.

After my dental appointment, I stopped off for lunch with Mamoo. Right about the time I finished my last bite I got a phone call from Scott asking me to call a client that wanted to see a house. I call, thinking I can show them the property in an hour or so. No, they are sitting in front of the house and want to see to see it "right now". Well, the property is forty five minutes away from where I'm at so I suggest they go get a cup of coffee because it's going to be a little while. I throw on a different shirt, give my hair a lick and a promise and head out the door. I get there and they are not there. They arrive fifteen minutes later.

They're a very nice older couple looking for a winter get-a-way from their home in Denver. The house they want to see is in a somewhat seedy part of this little town. They picked it because it had a nice fireplace in the pictures. And only cost $30,000. They seemed a bit shocked with the bars on the windows. Needless to say they didn't put in an offer.

So I head back home, because now I have to pick up my boy from school. I get there with enough time to sit in front of the school for about twenty minutes with a book. It is the most peaceful time I will have all day.

I got back home and started cleaning my fish tank (again). I got thirty gallons of disgusting water pulled out of the tank before the phone started ringing. The first call is from a lender on a property that has been in escrow since December 8th. Two months ago and we're still trying to get it through. It's not my buyer's issues, it's the bank and their underwriting department. And this phone call is just one of the dozens I have gotten from this lender, always asking for "just one more thing". At least this time, the lender was saying we finally got approval, we "just need a few more things". Most importantly, it's going to cost my client more money. The bank is demanding a mold inspection by a certified mold inspector. Another several hundred dollars is required. I got off the phone with the banker and call my client to give him the news. He's not thrilled, but he's a good guy and he just wants to get into his house so he agrees.

I call the banker back to let him know to go ahead and order the mold inspector. I want to follow up the call with an email, but I get side tracked by another client. A client that has already gotten fairly pissed off that the offer we have sent in has not yet been submitted to seller because the listing agents office is being super picky about what is being submitted. I tell this client that they still want "one more thing" and he explodes. Ex. Plodes. At me. Because I am on the other end of the phone. My attempt to keep this conversation directed to what we can do goes unheeded. He tells me he's going to call the other agent and "get it straightened out". I try to suggest that might not be such a great idea but he hangs up on me. Seriously? Who does that?

In a somewhat bad spot, I call my team leader, Scott and ask him how much trouble I'm going to be in with our broker. He laughs and says "Welcome to real estate. Get used to it." He also assures me that our broker will back me up unless I do something unethical which I have not so I'm fine. When I hang up with him I call my client back. He apologizes for yelling at me but says he's done dealing with this house. He still wants to work with me though. I thank him for that, but inside I sigh deeply and layer on some skin thickener. I'm going to need it. I finally hang up the phone at 5:55 pm.

As soon as I hang up, I start making food for Master J. Mister C comes home and starts wondering where his dinner is. I haven't had a chance to think about that yet. Thankfully I had shrimp thawed out already. A quick saute with garlic and some angel hair pasta and fifteen minutes later we have a decent, healthy meal.

My phone rings again. I look down and it's my client again. What else can he yell about? I answer with a smile, as I usually do. He sounds humble and says that his wife wants the house. He'll get me the paperwork I need tomorrow.

I think I feel a tic coming on.

Juggling

I got a call the other day from Scott, my team leader/mentor/throw me out on my own and tell me to succeed guy. He asked me where I was at in terms of the leads he'd given me and the clients I was working with. I told him I would send him an email detailing what was going on.

So I went through my mails and my spreadsheet on Google Docs and put together a list of what he had sent me versus what I was currently working on. Turns out the first sentence I wrote, where I mentioned that he had sent me ten leads in the last month, was the one that surprised him. He thought he'd sent more. The last sentence, where I mention that I'm sure I'll have some better success in the future because four of the leads had written at least one offer in the time I've had them, blew him away. Apparently, even though I haven't seemed to have any luck with my buyers getting financing and getting all the way through to closing lately, the fact that four out of ten are willing to even write an offer is awesome. He actually called me back to tell me how impressed he was with me.

So I'm sitting back, patting myself on the back thinking "Hey, maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am at this job." And then, the emails started coming. Six leads in the first one, two in the second, two more emails with one lead each, several text messages with names and numbers. Occasional calls with more leads thrown in for good measure.

For two days I've been calling people from all over the place including Pennsylvania, Missouri and Canada, emailing listings and walking first timers through the process. All while still working with my current clients, doing all I can to keep one guy in escrow and working to put in another offer with another one.

So here I sit, with my laptop balanced on the arm of the couch, finally getting around to spending some time doing what I like to do. I'm tired, in a good way. I feel like I'm moving forward and maybe getting a little bit accomplished. And I'm thinking maybe, just maybe, that 2010 might be the year that my career finally takes off. I'll keep you posted.

So that's that

Tank of Ta Bearica managed to completely eff my clients over. Remember when I said they wouldn't finance my Brooklynites because of the 90 day fix and flip rule for FHA loans? Well amazingly, even though that's what they told me and my clients, that's not what they put in the file. No, when they filed the FHA denial, they put down every reason EXCEPT for the one technically valid one they orally gave. They said they denied for the following:

1. Instability of income
2. Inadequacy of income
3. Delinquent credit
4. Inadequacy of available assets

I'll deal with them in order:

1. The preference for lenders is that buyers be in their jobs for at least two years. Dad has worked at the same job for over eight years. Son has only worked at his job for just under three years. Of course, that could be because he's only 20.

2. While I don't know their exact incomes, I do know that starting income for Dad's job is $45k per year (see above where he's worked for them for eight years.) Based on what I know, I believe the son makes about 2/3 of what Dad does. They have minimal debt. No money owed on cars, no credit card issues. Together, they should easily qualify for more than the $110,000 price of the home they were trying to buy.

3. The delinquent credit belonged to the dad's soon to be ex wife. Unfortunately since they are still legally married and it's a community property state, this one is a little tougher (but not impossible) to work around.

4. I'm not sure where this one came from at all. My clients had the down payment and the closing costs readily available. And they have the ability via their income to easily make the payment.

So what gives? Why would Tank of Ta Bearica put these as the reasons they denied the loan instead of the reason they gave us? Are they just trying to cover their backsides with excessive reasons in case they are questioned? Did they mix up some files and put the wrong reasons on the wrong file? Are they really just that incompetent? (That's the one I lean towards.)

So why does this matter at all? Because it's an FHA loan. And those reasons, those made up reasons regarding my clients? They stay with my client for the next six months. That's right. Six months of bs reasons for a denial of a loan. My clients are now completely screwed and will not qualify for an FHA loan again for the next six months.

I hate that bank and will make it a point to spread that message to any and all future clients to the best of my ability. They should have been allowed to go under when we had the opportunity. Instead, we're paying them 20 billion to eff up my client's and my life.

Small Arizona castle for sale

So I dragged Mamoo through a neat foreclosure this morning. I've driven past this particular property many times since it's fairly close to my parent's home. Yesterday while driving home from picking up Master J I noticed a for sale sign in front of the house. I checked it out on the mls when I got home and figured out pretty quickly that it was a bank owned and vacant. I immediately made plans with Mamoo to stop by this morning.

So there are a few things to note about this property that make it somewhat unusual.

First of all, it's built so that the back half of the house is about four feet underground. So while the outside temperature was around 92 degrees when we visited, the interior was closer to 70 degrees. What makes this more interesting is that because this is a bank owned property the electricity has been turned off, thus, no a/c.

Secondly, there is actually a tower, the exterior is seen in the first photo below. To get to the tower you need to walk up two short flights of stairs. The stairs are open and really high so care is needed walking up them. I only know this because I tripped up them and scuffed my elbow on the wall. At the top of the stairs is a room that is about twelve feet square with circle windows overlooking the area. There's also a ladder that goes up to the roof of this room so you can hang a flag on the very top of the tower.

Third, that wall that bit me above? Appears to be about foot thick adobe. That probably helps with the temperature control and utility bills as well. Those thick walls also helps with the noise control. Even with mostly tile floors and no furniture to absorb sound, it was really quiet throughout the house.

Lastly, this house was made for parties, big ones. There's a huge family room that's open to both the kitchen and the huge covered patio that overlooks an over sized fire pit area. It could easily accommodate a party of 50 people.

Now obviously since this is a bank owned property it has it's issues. One obvious thing is that there is roof leak over the kitchen area that has caused a lot of damage to the ceiling. There's deferred maintenance of the landscaping that's going to take a lot of physical effort to bring back. Typical of all bank owned property it needs paint, flooring and bleach. But it's not nearly so bad as most of them and it's sitting on a huge lot. And seriously, it's got a castle theme!

Here's what the property looks like from the street.



Here's the solid wood, crazily detailed front door. You won't find another door like this around town.



The hand carved chandelier that hangs in the foyer/tower. The dust comes standard with most castles, this one is no exception.



Over sized fireplace in the family room.



Front stairs, main door is on the first level to the right. The open stairs to the far right go up to the tower room. The wooden area in the top left is the bottom of the walkway between the two flights of stairs going up to the tower. The walkway has a door that goes out to the roof over the family room.



Party patio!



The kitchen and family room. The water damaged ceiling is over the island



The family room, the front door is opposite the fireplace



The other front door. This door leads into the other bedrooms.



Master bathroom

Fresh start

So my Brooklynites are shed of their lender "Tank of Ta Bearica". Not of their choosing, but a good thing nonetheless. We've been struggling with the lender almost since day one.

On day one, it was all roses & unicorns shooting rainbows out their butts. It's gone downhill since then. I wasn't enamored of Tank of Ta Bearica to begin with, I've dealt with them before. They've screwed with my clients before. I don't think they offer good service. I don't think they are looking out for the interest of their customers. I don't like them.

But my clients came to me with them and it's not my place to tell them they couldn't use their own bank. What I did say was that I hadn't had good results with them in the past, but that maybe this gal would be different. Not so much.

So far, the non-responsiveness of the gal is the least of the problems. But she didn't know me. I will track you down. I will use different phones to call you if I have to. I will use every number you give me and every email address (in a five minute period) as well if I need information. See, I think if you're my clients bank that you should give us updates as to where we are at in the process. If you have an automatic email that gets sent out every week to tell us where we're at, that's fine. Just give us something. But if you're not going to update us on some regular schedule, for the love of Pete DO NOT AVOID MY OR MY CLIENT'S CALLS! Are you kidding me? To not answer the phone or return a call because you don't have anything new to tell me? Or even worse, to avoid calling me or my client because something bad has happened and you don't want to deal with it?

That last sentence is correct. On two different occasions this gal didn't call when something went wrong. It wasn't until I got a hold of her that I heard. The first was the low appraisal issue. I didn't get a call or an email. It wasn't until I contacted the gal the next day to see if it came back that I heard the news. Then I had to be the one making all the calls to figure out how to get the appraisal reviewed.

The second issue was this most recent one, wherein Tank of Ta Bearica has decided not to give the loan at all to my guys. Why? Because of something we knew when we went into the process that takes time to fix. 90 days to be exact. And they knew it when we went in as well. We were very upfront about what needed to happen and everyone agreed it could be done. But after jerking us around for a month, they've decided they can't do it. At all. Nice, very nice.

So, because of my previous experience with Tank of Ta Bearica, I had already alerted another lender (and my client) to the possibility of a last minute change. So when it all went to hell in a hand-basket late yesterday, I simply called my client, who then called the backup and we're on our way again with hardly a hiccup in the transfer.

Hopefully, with people who actually give a rat's ass about customer service working with us we'll actually be able to get to closing in one piece. My guys get the house they love in time for the holidays, the backup gets some good word of mouth advertising and I get to tell future clients why I prefer not to work with Tank of Ta Bearica. Because just saying that they're the Devil isn't as compelling as actually proving it with first hand experience.

And now for a kick from the appraisers office...

My New Yorkers' house didn't appraise at the agreed upon price. It came in 7% less. Many phone calls later, it looks like the previous owners "forgot" to pull a permit when they turned a screened in porch into an additional bedroom & den. So 15% of the square footage and one bedroom can't be counted towards the value. I've got the bank working on getting a re-evaluation of the property based on better suited comps since the ones the appraiser used were pretty worthless but I'm not holding my breath on that. No, my suspicion is that it's going to go one of several possible ways...

1.) The seller is going to reduce the sale price to the appraised price. In this option, my buyer will most likely have to pay their own closing costs.

2.) The seller can attempt to get a "permit after the fact" at a cost of at least $2,000 and a several month delay in closing, then hope the house appraises for the agreed upon price.

3.) We move forward, dropping the price enough to cover the $2,000 for the permits which my buyer will get after closing. Buyers will have to bring extra money to closing in this scenario.

4.) My buyers walk away and we start over again, hoping like hell we can find, get and close on a different house before the November 30th deadline.

I can tell you that the first option is probably the only one the buyers will readily agree to, and the one the seller is least likely to agree to.