Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Horrifying alone time

Ever since Mister C started his new job and school started up for Master J, I have the house to myself most days. Which I adore. I love my family more than life itself, but I need down time or I get cranky.

Most days after I drop Master J off to school I have someplace to be for at least a few hours. Today was no different. Today I met with my New Yorkers at the house they are buying to get their signature on a few more papers. We got acceptance last night and they were ecstatic. Of course rather than meeting them where they currently live, they wanted to meet at the house they are buying. No problem there. We met, we ooohed, we ahhed, they signed, we left. No, definitely no problem there.

The problem was after I got home. Because while I love my alone time, I don't love when I forget to lock a door before I leave the house. I did a quick search through to make sure I was alone in the house and then sat down to take care of some work.

About five minutes later though, I started hearing noises. Thumping noises. Moving noises. Noises that told me someone was moving things around in my house. And I start the panicky thought process of "Oh sh*t! Where did I forget to check? Where were they hiding?"

As the noises continue, I become convinced that the obvious serial killer that is in my house is now searching for weaponry with which to take me out. I start looking around to see what I can defend myself with...the most potent thing within reach is my Nikon. I'll give up willingly before I bust that over someone's head.

I've got a spoon in a bowl from breakfast. I'm not really sure what I can do with that. Side note here: I know what I'm not going to do with it...there will be no using of implements to poke the killer in the eyes. Even typing that gags me. No, if it comes down to dying or poking someone in the eyes to save my life, it should be noted that my favorite flowers are hibiscus and you may use them freely at my funeral.

Eventually the desire to just get it over with trumps the need to avoid conflict and I carefully sneak towards the thumping, moving noises. And that's when I realize the light is on in the pantry and I can see a shadow moving across the floor. Crap, they're in the pantry with all sorts of electric cooking utensils. I'm probably in bigger trouble than I thought.

I take a deep breath. I brace myself for whatever physical violence might be coming. I reach my shaking hand out for the doorknob...and pull it open quickly.

And find this...

Damned obnoxious cats.


AKT said...

I understand totally, as I will forever be "chased through the house by a dixie cup!"

Mirth said...

OMG, I totally forgot about that story! You need to blog, you have more good stories than anyone.

Wendi said...

That is hilarious! They totally look caught in the act, too.