Friday, February 20, 2009

Yo-Yo.

I have struggled with my weight for a large portion of my adult life. It has run the gamut from one extreme to the other. When I was young and impressionable, a bad boyfriend spent his spare time making me feel bad about myself. I never dared to eat around him because he would be sure to mention something about getting fat or being fat. Consequently, I dropped to 112 pounds. I'm 5'8. I had big hair. It wasn't a good look for me.

I finally got away from him and gained a needed few pounds. Then, as is wont to happen in those of us with obsessive personalities, my weight swung the other way. Up to 181 pounds before I quit getting on the scale. It wasn't really all that gradual either, I would guess in under two years. Then I went through a bad break up. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I was broke. My bills stayed the same and my income was cut in half. Something had to give and it was the food budget. I dropped 50 pounds in about six weeks. The original Biggest Loser. Eventually I stabilized at a good weight for me, right around 140. It might fluctuate up or down by five pounds, but I pretty much stayed the same.

But then, I started getting pregnant. With Master J, I gained 57 pounds. No lie. I totally expected to give birth to a toddler because I just knew it had to be the baby and not all the food I was eating that caused that big gain. But, after having my (only) 9 lb, 3 oz baby I realized that a majority of the weight truly was just overeating. So I tried Weight Watchers. I counted points and walked every day and eventually got back down to my starting weight. I got pregnant again and then had a miscarriage. But I didn't lose the 5 pounds I had gained. I did this four times in a row before I gave up on having more children and got my tubes tied. But now I had an extra 20 pound on me. Which, honestly, I wasn't really trying to lose. In fact, for awhile there I continued to add on while I ate my way through the sadness I was feeling at no longer being able to have kids.

By the time I got to Nebraska last year, I was carrying an extra 40 pounds. So we joined a gym and I got a personal trainer. And he managed to get 20 pounds off of me before I decided I didn't like the gym anymore. And then we decided to move back to Sunshineville. The packing, moving, unpacking, stress had me eating poorly again and not doing any exercise. And the result was that I was back up almost to where I started before the gym experience. Not quite, but too close for comfort. But now, I have gotten serious again. I am tracking what I'm eating and trying to make better choices. Not a diet per se, but a lifestyle change. I'm also trying to get more exercise. This week, I have logged 4.5 hours on my treadmill. And I have dropped two pounds. Only 35 more to go.

1 comments:

K-Mom said...

Good for you, Mirth! I'm right there with you...I've fallen off the wagon this week with my cold, but I'm eager to get back to my healthier diet and exercise regime.